Kalaxion Invasion Guide EYES ONLY 

Encryption code AZ+3

REF (23/22) Division 66bd/Subsection Orientation Basic Primary Clause: Notable Figures




If all the local legends are true, without a doubt, the Rat Catchers Guild should be considered a threat to our plans. The Guild is spoken about in hushed whispers, and feared by many. They are a source of hope to those they are sworn to protect. A constant menace to those who stand against them. 

The Guild is a small independent faction. They operate on the outskirts of the conflict, using guerrilla-like tactics, striking hard, and disappearing into the shadows. Their goal, or mission statement, is to protect the forgotten victims of this coldest of cold wars, to be precise the children and young humans of the Broadcliffs anomaly. 

Historically speaking, the earliest documented evidence of the Guild can be found nearly two thousand years ago. However, it is widely accepted that they have been in action before this date. Anecdotally the reference is from the chronicles of a Roman legion stationed in the area. The entry pertains to a ‘non-aggression pact’ between the commander Oppious Brutius Badfucatus, and the Rat Catchers Guild, which is the only record of the Guild having any kind of link with authority. 

With the veil of secrecy surrounding the Rat Catchers Guild, any idea of the exact structure can only be guessed at. It is believed that there is a centralised core of ‘diehards’ that have close links to other smaller groups that operate in the town. It is through these connections (again mainly guesswork) that most of the funding is derived, chiefly from the lucrative Cherryade Racket. 

During my posting to Broadcliffs, I have only once had any form of contact with the Guild. The result is a constant and humbling source of shame to me. It was through a series of unforeseen circumstances, and sheer luck on the part of the Rat Catchers’ Guild, that a specific mission was thwarted (see ‘The Gingham Duvet Incident.’) The pain of the incompetence on my part has haunted me ever since. Yet through conversations with some of our trusted allies, it has been brought to my attention that I should consider myself fortunate. Many of the enemies of the Guild simply cease to exist after contact with them. The Rat Catchers’ methods and tactics may seem rudimentary, but they perform them with ruthless efficiency. 

In conclusion, higher forces stand between us and victory; however small and insignificant, we may consider the Rat Catchers’ Guild to be, they will need to be dealt with. Of all the threats that could hinder that glorious day when the Kalaxion troops march proudly through the streets of Broadcliffs, the Rat Catchers Guild will be the least of our problems, but a problem nonetheless. 

They will need to be eliminated, that much is certain, a task for which I humbly offer my services.